It’s 2:14 a.m

img_6010You are abruptly awakened by a full and fussy bladder. It is screaming its head off and desiring to be freed. It has a few things hidden inside that it would like to get off its chest. You scramble for your phone and notice the time (much to your dismay). You try so much to ignore it and attempt to go back to the very much preferred alternate reality created by your subconscious: in this case dreamland; but for it is all in futility. You toss and turn, striving so much to shut out every thought of pee and even the oh-so-relief that comes with emptying of one’s bladder but all those self-help and mental strength tips you had read on the Internet yesterday don’t seem to work.

After several futile attempts, you unwilling oblige and bow to the demands of your unmerciful master. You put your feet on the ground and amidst complaint, and eyes half shut you drag yourself to the washroom to quickly get over the requisite lattie-tatties so that you can jump back into bed. You cover yourself with that second hand duvet that you bought kwa mtumba and await sleep. It is here that you discover that something is very wrong.

hiresHerein is the problem: while you were up and were going about your ‘in the night’ shenanigans, your body and your heart were awake but you forgot to invite someone to the party; the very fussy component we call the mind. He likes to take matters a little too seriously so you made a corporate decision to opt him out, hoping and praying that he would not find out. The success of your venture relied solely on your mind not finding out your deception and treachery.

However, like Ra’s Al Ghul, the mind cannot be deceived for long. Just as you jump in bed and close your eyes so as to drift off to sleep, he stirs to life. He is not happy. Why would you even think of excluding him? He would desire to put in his two cents; all in a bid to feel useful and relevant.

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He then proceeds to analyze the journey from your bed to the potty and back; reel by reel; frame by frame and pixel by pixel. He analyses down to the consistency of your steps as you were making them and gives suggestions on how you could do them better. He will also bring back to mind that dark figure that you caught with the corner of your eye as you lurched along the trodden path that promised you freedom but were just too tired to give it attention. He tries to scare you by bringing to mind the horror movie ‘Scream’ and ‘The Conjuring’; stating that whenever you think it’s nothing, it’s probably something. By now, you are probably catatonic.

“And what was up with that door and the soundtracks it was making? I hope it did not wake up Nduta; for that is not a face I am willing to deal with in the morning. I mean, your friendship and state of roommate-hood is currently as strained as strained can be.”

“Remember how on Friday you used her peanut butter without asking? I do. Mehn, she was PISSED!! You could see it in her eyes and how she struggled to control her breathing just so she would not lose her cool. (Side note: Seeing her huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf was just hilarious)”

“In retrospect, however, you know she was right. That was a real shitty move. You are all touchy feely with people’s stuff and that is not cool yo.”

 

kartun-insomniaBy now you realize that it has been more than an hour and you are yet to get some shut eye. Today is going to be like yesterday. “Haki, I hope my boss does not catch me dozing off again. This time, I know he will make good of his threat to fire me”.

 

2e506c3b6c62d4d95541d0a71dacd9dbMeanwhile, your mind is still rambling on and on. He is like a speaker on steroids; he just can’t shut up.

You have made peace with the fact that there is no more sleep happening tonight; so you reach out for your laptop and decide to kill of the remaining one hour and a half watching ‘Arrow’. Maybe the sight of Diggle and Oliver Queen will make light of the truth that today is not going to be a good day.

And all this, is because you have a tini tiny teeny weeny bladder.

Apologies…

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