She…

She…

That’s what is happening…

So many word combinations are running through my head right now, striving and fighting to be made a part of this writing. Adrenaline is pumping in my veins; I am trying to control my breathing lest my system breaks down and impairs me. “Be cool, chill out, just be you. I mean it’s just words…”  Truth is, I am very nervous, for I have never written about a ‘she’ before, or anyone for that matter. But I made a promise to try. Most of what I am about to say does not even make sense to me but I will try to express the picture as commensurate as it is in my mind right now…

I met ‘she’ some time back and there and then, I noticed something. Maybe it was the way she adjusted her glasses each time they slid down her nose, maybe it was that simple broad smile, maybe it was her brown eyes, maybe it was her laugh or even the lady like way that she handled her fork while eating, I am not sure. But the truth is that I noticed something…

So I made a point of asking about her from anyone and everyone who knew her. Truth, lies, rumors, judgments, assumptions, I took them all in just to have an idea of who this ‘she’ was and what it was about her that captivated me like this. I would see her everyday, at times from far others from close by while others close enough that she said hi. Each time I saw her, something about my day just brightened, down to the way I walked.

Several conversations later, by luck or by fate or a combination of both, I finally got a dinner sit down with her. Her dressing was simple but nice. She looked tired, like she had been overworking herself (again), but despite all that she still managed to laugh her all. We sat down and talked and talked on and on and on about cats and dogs and lies and truths and family and cartoon characters and this and that.

Many times I did not even hear what she was saying as I could not stop staring at her, (I know it’s creepy but don’t judge me), especially each time she was telling me a story and her eyes were dancing in rhythm to what she was saying. How she was waving her hands in the air when demonstrating something. How each time she adjusted her glasses jus to look at me, and each time she would smile, not too broad to look weird nor too narrow to look forced. How each time I told her something shocking, her eyes would widen in disbelief while balancing a laugh and a face in the most impossible form of facial multi-tasking I have ever encountered. Long story long, that was a night I did not want to end.

Maybe, I am over-analyzing, for I have a tendency to do so. Maybe I am in over my head, for I have a tendency to do that as well. Maybe I am crazy, for I am definitely known to be that.

Maybe…

All in all, peradventure I get the strength in my knees to stand in front of her long enough to bring this up, or gather the courage to tell her or decide to keep this as my little secret one thing is for sure, she is an experience that far supersedes any I have had in a while and which I hope to be around for longer. Beautiful, amazing, soul tendering moments that cause my stutter to be more pronounced, my palms more sweaty, my clumsiness more clumsy and my words to be disoriented or disappear altogether…

Such is ‘she’ to me…

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